| My shirt is too girly |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|10:24 am] |
My wife's relatives are in town, and she's planned to have family pictures. Her plans involve having all of the family members wearing matching shirts.
For my wife, children, and myself - that means wearing black shirts. When she presented me with the shirt I was suppose to wear, I balked.
"That's a v-neck," I groused.
"It's something different. Put it on," she told me in our bathroom. I tried it on. It fit, so she was happy.
Until this morning, when I came downstears wearing the black shirt. "Looks like a girl's shirt," my brother-in-law announced.
I ignored that one. I've never based my fashion sense on what others wanted me to wear.
When I walked into the kitchen, my sister-in-law giggled. "What?" I asked.
She put a hand over her lips. "You just look so GQ," she explained.
Well, GQ. Now I was feeling pretty all right with this shirt. I moved into my office to work on some things before the pictures.
"You need to change your shirt," my wife said as she came into my office. "Everyone thinks it makes you look gay."
"What?" I was now growing attached to the shirt. All right, it had a v-neck which I hate and made people laugh. But now it was personal. Like now I had to keep the shirt just because other people thought it funny. "When has me looking 'gay' ever stopped me from wearing anything?"
"It looks like a girl's shirt," she said. "I didn't realize it until I saw you in it. Go change into your button black shirt."
Which is really a charcoal gray shirt. Story of my life, always looking different from everyone else, even in my own family. I sighed, went upstairs to change my shirt. "I'm going to have to take it back," my wife said behind me.
"But I love this shirt!" I called back down.
"You do not! You only like it now because everyone else hates it!" She called back up to me.
"Do not," I muttered. Even though she was right. |
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| I Choose the Wimpy Beer |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|09:35 pm] |
After 36 years of sobriety, and four months of trying around 11 different drinks, the only one that I've liked is Framboise, a beer made with raspberries. It has a slightly tart, slightly sweet, slight bitter taste. It's like drinking a cranberry Martinellis.
I picked up a bottle for myself and the in-laws. This is a big step, the first time I've drank alcohol inside the house with My Lovely Wife around (my previous attempt to try a Guinness was not successful, as it was gross). Naturally I'd only do so if My Lovely Wife (MLW) hadn't given me like 30 statement of "you know, I really don't mind."
For my first at-home with family drink, it hasn't been the greatest success. First, I didn't know I'd need a corkscrew. Had to go borrow one from the neighbors. Then I poured myself and my brother-in-law a glass. I enjoyed the flavor, the nice fizziness.
Then my brother-in-law did a little looking, and realized that that Framboise doesn't list the alcohol content. Because it hardly has any at all.
So it turns out the only beer that I liked - has almost no alcohol.
UPDATE: Turns out that it has 4% alcohol content. So, um, it's at least man enough beer to be illegal in Utah. |
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| Looking at cars. Not sure if I'm excited or not |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|09:20 pm] |
Today, I looked at cars. Yeah, I said that in the title. But I was reading about the AMAZING OMG deals that GM is handing out.
Wait - stop running, yes, I know I said GM. I wouldn't touch Chrysler with a 10 foot pole - my mechanic says he sees more Chrysler in his shop having to be fixed over and over again than anything else. My Lovely Wife (MLW) originally wanted a Town and Country, then she shifted her mine to the Honda Odyssey.
I should mention that MLW only cares about one feature. She doesn't give a crap about power, about DVD players, about navigation. The only thing she wants in her car is - fold down seats. That's why she wanted the Odyssey.
Anyway, so GM's got their big sale, but I don't want the crappy cars, so I figure if MLW is already lusting after a $25,000 - $30,000 cars, I might as well look at one in that range. The original plan was to wait another 12-24 months, saving our money, and by then we'd have almost enough to practically pay off 50% of the value of the car at once, then get a really low month payment.
But, at 0% interest for 60 months? It's pretty much the savings rate for the car anyway, and with all of the cash back offers, it can be lower. of course, the sales end tonight, but I'd be surprised if they didn't extend it by another month or so - they've had this 0% interest deal for several months now.
I went and checked out the Enclave, the car the out of all of the GM offers every review seems to say is super reliable, seats 7 (which, in a family of 5 and the need to carry other crud/people about, is important) . The MSRP is suppose to be $35k, but the cars sold on the lot had been marked down to $29 - so already $6k cheaper.
I have to say - I really liked it. Very comfortable, and usually I don't care about that - but this was a very smooth ride. Brakes were smooth, acceleration was smooth onto the freeway, and there's enough safety features to stop a tank.
MLW still has to try it out, but if they announce tomorrow they're extending the 0% interest/60 months for another month with all of the extras, we might be getting a new car this weekend.
I'm not holding my breath, though. We'll see. |
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| I Am the Pokemon Master |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|07:27 am] |
I dragged myself upstairs. My Lovely Wife was still reading in bed, smirking at me as she saw me. "Did you win?"
I stepped onto the bed, standing over her, hands on my hips. "You are looking at the newest Pokemon Master, after defeating my greatest rival - Butthole!"
Butthole, off and on for the last several months, has been the greatest nemesis of my life. When I fired fired up the game Pokemon Leaf Green for the Gameboy Advance (a remake of the original Pokemon game for the original black and white (or black and green, depending on how far back you go) Gameboy ), I was asked what my name was, and the name of my rival.
If you've never played the game, your rival is some "childhood friend" - if by "childhood friend" you mean "complete and utter jerk." When you get your first Pokemon - in my case, a turtle looking creature that spits water called a "Squirtle", my rival picked a little monster called a Bulbasaur - which, being a "grass" Pokemon (no, that doesn't mean you can smoke it) can absorb my turtles water attacks.
In other words, this "childhood friend" picked their Pokemon purely based on its ability to kick *my* Pokemon's ass.
Great friend. No wonder I called him "Butthole".
From then on, Butthole was always one step ahead of me. Just when I thought I had a moment to breath, Butthole showed up with a new cadre of Pokemon to try and defeat me. If I wanted to talk to a captain of a ship, Butthole emerged from nowhere. No way to escape, no way to stop him. Even when I was going through the criminal underbelly of the dreaded Team Rocket who sought to use Pokemon to take over the world - sure enough, blocking my path was Butthole.
There is no real "end" to Pokemon, through the closest thing might be defeating the Elite Four - the four strongest Pokemon Trainers in the game - and being declared the Pokemon Master. For hours I battled against each one, thinking outside the box to counter their strategies. Finally, I emerged from defeating the last of the Elite Four, battered, bruised, my Pokemon hanging on by their fingerstips, barely any healing tonics left - but triumphant.
Until -
Butthole. That little bastard had beaten the Elite Four just "minutes before me". Now, in order to *really* become a Master, I had to beat Butthole.
I could have just put it down. Just put it away and left it. But there was no way I was going to let someone named Butthole send me to bed without my victory.
Of course, by now, I knew how he thought. I knew his Pokemon. I knew he'd start out with a giant bird, which could be countered by my rock. His oh-so-powerful Alakazam - a Psychic pokemon that wielded Uri Geller like spoons as proof of its power - would be no match for biting attacks.
And of course, that flowery Bulbasaur he was so proud of so it could defeat my Squirtle - well, turns out, plants burn really well, especially when you're using a Pokemon that breathes fire.
Goodnight, Butthole. |
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| I almost had to kill me a Best Buy employee |
[Mar. 5th, 2009|06:40 am] |
I heard the Anime World Order review of Baccano this past week, and it sounded pretty cool - an anime about 1930's gangsters, a disjointed story telling style that made your think about the story, plenty of unique and interesting characters, a HUUUUGE mystery, and the OH MY GOD NO WAY huge surprise.
I watched the first episode for free on the Funimation web site. And - OH MY GOD NO WAY (OMGNW)! It was cool, it was smart, the English voice acting was pretty good, I loved the style, the animation, the script - it was just all very cool stuff.
So I told My Lovely Wife (MLW) that I was going to buy this series and she would have to watch at least the first episode, because while she's not a big gangster fan, she is a fan of the OH MY GOD NO WAY surprise that should get her hooked into the rest of the show.
But there's a caveat: Evidently, the back of the DVD packaging reveals the OMGNW surprise - which means that the whole setup is ruined for you. Whatever you do, do *not* look at the back of the DVD box. Don't even read it.
I looked online, and found that the local Best Buy actually had a decent price on it. I go there, pick it up, stand in line, hand my purchase to the checker, who scans it in.
Then he turns it over, and starts reading the back. "Don't do that," I tell him. "Evidently, reading the back reveals the OMGNW surprise, and can ruin the show for you."
He looked up at me. "So - you haven't read this?"
"Nope. I saw the first episode online, liked it, and came down here to buy it. But the word on the Internet is, don't read the back until after you've read it so as not to ruin the OMGNW surprise moment."
He looks at the back again. "So what are these guys suppose to be - [SPOILER WORD]?"
My hand froze over the credit card reader. "What the hell are you doing, man? I just said, don't read the back!"
He pointed to the words. "But it says that -"
"Ack!"
"But -"
"Nyah!"
"I just - "
"Just ring me up! What are you trying to do, dude!"
I finished, and left before his words could poison me.
So I'm not sure who I'm more mad at - Funimation, for putting the spoiler on the back (which I still haven't looked at), the cashier, who wanted to share said spoiler, or Anime World Order, who may be playing the biggest prank on anime viewers of all. Maybe the back is just a recipe for strawberry shortcake - and now I have no way of knowing? |
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| Coraline is good, but drop the 3D |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|08:04 am] |
My family and I had the chance to see a movie the first time in Forever. It was either Coraline, which I wanted to see after reading the book ages ago, or Hotel for Dogs.
Coraline won.
Only problem was, it wasn't Coraline - but Coraline *3D*. No other choices, it was either pay extra for the glasses, or don't see it at all. Eh - what the heck, right? It had been years since I saw a movie in 3D. Perhaps the technology was finally there.
No. I'm sorry, but no. Yes, I know - it seems like a cool idea to have a giant dog nose peeking our at you from the TV, or try to "dodge" the bullet whizzing at you from the screen.
But for me, it was just more annoying than anything else. Things that are suppose to make you go "ooo - look, you can almost touch the bees" were just "get out of my face!" moments. If anything, they looks just blurry enough to bother my eyes.
Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed the movie Caroline. Like an old fashioned fairy tale - a place where mystical things can simply happen (both in the real world and the not-so-real), where pluck and courage are the most important virtues - and just enough scary creepy stuff to keep the kids glued to their seats.
It's not scary enough that kids will have nightmares - my 4 year old thought it was "scary", but directly after the movie he was fine. My older two children - 6 and 9 - really liked it.
If I have a complaint, it's that the ending felt too fast and rushed. There had been a certain pace set, and then within the last 15 minutes, its like the director went "OK - time to wrap it up now!" Almost a video-game style ending - "find X, beat the boss, have a nice life."
I need to find my copy of the book and give it to my kids. I think they'll like it. |
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| Great Moments in Parenting |
[Feb. 21st, 2009|12:35 pm] |
Me: And here's your sandwiches. Now I'm going to make myself one. Maybe a banana sandwich.
Kids: Ewwww!
Me: What? It's peanut butter and bananas.
Emily: I don't know bananas.
Me: Maybe a peanut butter and cheddar cheese.
Kids: Ewwww!
Griffen: How about a bread sandwich?
Me: No, because then I'd have to go to McDonald's and order a Big Mac. |
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| I have a new title |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|05:04 pm] |
The picture explains it all. Which means it explains nothing.
 |
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| Real Conversations with my wife: The Limbaugh |
[Feb. 15th, 2009|09:43 am] |
My Lovely Wife: So what are you having for breakfast?
Me: I'm having a Limbaugh.
MLW: A Limbaugh?
Me: Yup. Bananas, strawberries, blueberries, oatmeal.
MLW: And....?
Me: I call it a Limbaugh because it's appears to be red, white and blue - but in the end it just all gets pushed out as crap. |
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| I finished "Advanced Wars: Days of Ruins" |
[Feb. 14th, 2009|10:56 am] |
I finished the game last night. And while there are 26 missions (plus plenty of "extra missions"), it still feels - incomplete.
About 1/3 of the game is setting up just how to play the game - what the various kinds of army weapons and such you can use. The story really starts to kick in, and just as it really gets interesting -
It ends. You have the big climatic battle, and it's all over. It felt like there was a lot more of the story to tell, but - well, that's it.
Still worth playing, though. I still enjoy the series very much.
Ah, well. I'm going to move on to "Final Fantasy: Crisis Core" and finish that up. |
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| If Square Enix does buy Eidos- |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|09:31 pm] |
Square-Enix may be to buy out Eidos.
Wish list time!
Do we want to see:
Kingdom Hearts III containing Disney characters, Final Fantasy characters, and Lara Croft with Garrott from "Thief" running about?
How about Tomb Raider as a turn based game, where Lara gets to use Limit Breaks?
Perhaps Deus Ex III will have a protagonist that has to fight against cybernetic angels with summons attacks? And the protagonist is totally silent!
Hm. The possibilities. |
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| Found out why I haven't gotten post church flack: Nobody told |
[Jan. 9th, 2009|08:40 am] |
I had an interesting phone call and email from members of my (now former) church about callings and the like. I was stumped, since I had turned in my official "I'm leaving the Mormon church k-thanks-bye" letters before the new year.
Looks like - nobody else past the immediate leadership got the message. Now, I didn't expect a "OMG John's gooooone!", but it would have been nice saying "You know, don't offer Brother Hummel any callings" to the various leadership members.
So I decided to write a very polite email that left out most of the snark and my own negative feelings about the LDS church's actions in the whole "gay marriage" fiasco and other irritations (like sitting in on meetings hearing members bemoan that their children were being taught to be tolerant and then come home and didn't understand why gay people were all evil and causing the destruction of society) .
So - now I guess I sit back and see what happens next. Today I'm making my calls to local churches to set up interview schedules for my research idea - baptists, muslims, catholics, hindus, humanitarians - I think I need to find a synagogue.
Oh, and here's a copy of the letter, just for the public record.
[LDS church member],
I was rather surprised that word hadn't gotten out by now, but I
officially left the church on December 28th. Turned in my paperwork
to the bishop, mailed my letter to church records headquarters (with a
special note to make sure they got the right John Hummel).
I've actually be a "in closest atheist" for about 10 years now, but
kept going to church because it seemed benign. There were enough
service activities doing good work that made it worthwhile. And I
didn't want to disappoint my wife.
But over the last year, I've been increasingly dissatisfied with being
a member of a church that encourages members to donate millions of
dollars - just to mess with other people's private lives. (Yes, I'm
talking about the gay marriage thing.) Church membership moved from
"OK - I really don't believe in any of this but as long as the good
outweighs the bad I'm fine" to "Wait. What this organization is doing
is opposed to my basic beliefs of how people get along in a society -
and I can not be a part of that."
I have a very core belief - your rights end at the edge of my nose.
And as long as the church upheld its agreement with the 11th article
of faith, I was content. Perhaps unhappy because I was being
dishonest by not saying "You know, I really don't believe in the God
part of all of this, but I do believe in the serving your fellow man
part" - but I was content. That finally faded this year, and I could
not in good conscience lend my name to an organization that acted
against my central beliefs of basic human fairness.
Ultimately, it came down to either being dishonest just to keep up
appearances - or be honest. I decided that it would be better to be
honest. [My Lovely Wife] and the children will still be attending church, as I
believe in their right to choose (well, except for the youngest -
Matthew is going to have to go with his mother anyway no matter what
he wants). But I've always encouraged my children to be free
thinkers, so they have their own choices to make in the future.
Instead, I'm embarking on a new service project that should use my
time productively. So I'm sorry, but I must turn down your offer of a
calling.
Best of luck,
John
PS: I'm sure some asshat will say something akin to "OMG it's because
John's a democrat" or other such nonsense. This has been building for
at least a decade, and would have come up regardless of party
affiliation. I believe in true conservative values such as those
espoused by Barry Goldwater (government stays out of people's
business, which match the values espoused by John Stuart Mill in the
1800's). This issue is one about honesty, and my desire to be upfront
and honest about my non-belief in a deity, and use my time in what I
believe to be a more effective manner. |
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| Told the kids about church last night |
[Jan. 4th, 2009|08:53 am] |
Last night I sat the kids down and told them that I wasn't going to church anymore, my reasons for it (simplified a bit - they're only 9, 6, and 4), but that I would be getting them ready for church every Sunday to go with My Lovely Wife. And I told them about my other project to attend a different church every week (I'm waiting for my microphone to show up in the mail, but that's OK because I'll be going twice in some weeks to make up the difference).
The boys? "OK."
My daughter? Cries. "Why are you crying?" I asked her.
"I don't know whyyyyy."
Now I'm getting them ready, and odds are they've forgotten until they all leave with My Lovely Wife in about an hour. Guess we'll see. |
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| Real conversations with my family |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|09:22 pm] |
Me: So where do we want to go on vacation next year?
My Lovely Wife (MLW): I'm not sure.
Me: How about - Dollywood!
MLW: I hear that's actually a fun place.
Me: Hm. Maybe I could ride the twin peaks roller coaster ride.
MLW: Really.
My Daughter Emily: Really? That would be fun!
Me: Yup - and I hear they have biiiiig cotton candy bags?
Emily: Can I get two?
MLW: *snerk*
Me: Yes! And then I can put my face between the two bags and go "brrrrrrrbbbbrrrr!"
Emily: Really?
MLW: No, he won't!
Me: Awwww....
MLW: If you want to put your face between two big bags of cotton candy-
Me: Honey. Not in front of the children.
MLW: .... |
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| The man who was obsessed with my underpants |
[Dec. 28th, 2008|01:59 pm] |
Whenever I travel, because I don't drink, I usually wind up being the designated driver. This was back when I was a Mormon, so that made it even easier to convince people about why I didn't drink.
One thing to mention about Mormons is they wear special clothes called garments. It's kind of like how some religions wear a scarf or a special hat or something. For Mormons, it's basically a t-shirt and boxers.
Problem is, while I was on this business trip, there was one guy who kept asking questions about the garments. Why are they worn. What are they made of. All the way to the restaurant in a car full of people while I'm driving.
It got tiring.
When we got to the restaurant, the waitress came out. "Hi, I'm Judy - how are we all doing tonight!"
I smiled. "Oh, we're all fine. I should mention that this guy is obsessed with the state of my underwear, so just ignored him."
This coworker never asked about my underthings again. |
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